The Grief of Coming "Home"
As my parents are unexpectedly and currently en route to Oregon from Papua New Guinea and another friend and former colleague in Indonesia just announced her family's sudden plans to return to the States after seven years in Jakarta, I was convicted and taken back to my own feelings about unexpectedly being forced back to the United States a year and a half ago. It hurt and sometimes still hurts!
I have had well-meaning individuals say to me during my previous trips back from Indonesia, "You must be glad to be home." Was I happy for the clean air, the quiet spaces to run and be outside, family time, and good ice cream? Yes, of course, I was. Yet, when I was forced back to the USA due to serious health problems that could not be adequately treated in Jakarta, I was not happy to be home. I felt like I had failed my students. I had not finished the task God had set before me. I was helpless, looking toward a mountain of unknowns and decisions. What was I supposed to do now? Having been in this stage of sudden unknown, even after just a couple years in Jakarta, I know that many cross-cultural workers for Jesus will not be "happy" to be back. They will be culture-shocked and disoriented without their ministry, searching for understanding and purpose.
Additionally, as seen in the above general comment of people, many cross-cultural workers will not be "home." Having been an MK I have struggled the past almost fourteen years with the concept of "home." What is home? Where is home? "Home" means many different places and people for me. Subsequently, Glide, Oregon is merely "home base" or "base camp" from which I proceed to other destinations that may eventually become "home" for me. As John Steinbeck writes in Travels with Charley, "Once a bum, always a bum." Therefore, returning from Indonesia was not a time of rejoicing at being "home," it was a time of grieving and longing for somewhere else (Asia). I felt out of place in a sea of white faces. I felt lost without my colleagues, students, and friends in Jakarta. I felt self-conscious about my mannerisms. And I can't lie and say that these various feelings quickly dissipated upon being back in the United States. They came in waves, often appearing at odd times for the better part of a year. Visiting a school for a preliminary interview about a potential job found me feeling uncomfortable at all of the white students, a stark contrast to me being a minority in my previous classroom. A visit to an authentic Vietnamese restaurant subconsciously forced me back into Asian practices of thanking and receiving. A game of ultimate frisbee almost had me responding to something in Bahasa Indonesia. And to this day, I still need to eat certain things with chopsticks. Like myself, many cross-cultural workers will not feel "home" on these often forced returns to their countries of nationality. They will feel like sojourners in a foreign nation, longing for "home."
Therefore, I challenge the Church to be mindful and careful when welcoming cross-cultural workers back during this time. For many, and probably most, this will be a time of unexpected transition, grief, culture-shock, loss of purpose, separation, and "homelessness."
I have had well-meaning individuals say to me during my previous trips back from Indonesia, "You must be glad to be home." Was I happy for the clean air, the quiet spaces to run and be outside, family time, and good ice cream? Yes, of course, I was. Yet, when I was forced back to the USA due to serious health problems that could not be adequately treated in Jakarta, I was not happy to be home. I felt like I had failed my students. I had not finished the task God had set before me. I was helpless, looking toward a mountain of unknowns and decisions. What was I supposed to do now? Having been in this stage of sudden unknown, even after just a couple years in Jakarta, I know that many cross-cultural workers for Jesus will not be "happy" to be back. They will be culture-shocked and disoriented without their ministry, searching for understanding and purpose.
Additionally, as seen in the above general comment of people, many cross-cultural workers will not be "home." Having been an MK I have struggled the past almost fourteen years with the concept of "home." What is home? Where is home? "Home" means many different places and people for me. Subsequently, Glide, Oregon is merely "home base" or "base camp" from which I proceed to other destinations that may eventually become "home" for me. As John Steinbeck writes in Travels with Charley, "Once a bum, always a bum." Therefore, returning from Indonesia was not a time of rejoicing at being "home," it was a time of grieving and longing for somewhere else (Asia). I felt out of place in a sea of white faces. I felt lost without my colleagues, students, and friends in Jakarta. I felt self-conscious about my mannerisms. And I can't lie and say that these various feelings quickly dissipated upon being back in the United States. They came in waves, often appearing at odd times for the better part of a year. Visiting a school for a preliminary interview about a potential job found me feeling uncomfortable at all of the white students, a stark contrast to me being a minority in my previous classroom. A visit to an authentic Vietnamese restaurant subconsciously forced me back into Asian practices of thanking and receiving. A game of ultimate frisbee almost had me responding to something in Bahasa Indonesia. And to this day, I still need to eat certain things with chopsticks. Like myself, many cross-cultural workers will not feel "home" on these often forced returns to their countries of nationality. They will feel like sojourners in a foreign nation, longing for "home."
Therefore, I challenge the Church to be mindful and careful when welcoming cross-cultural workers back during this time. For many, and probably most, this will be a time of unexpected transition, grief, culture-shock, loss of purpose, separation, and "homelessness."
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