Are You Willing to be Misunderstood?

 I was reminded again today that people do not really understand my sport of ultra marathoning. A member at the gym where I work found out that I am an ultra-marathon runner and proceeded to tell me, "You can die doing that. Your body will shut down." (Well, I haven't died yet, and I am 24 or more of them deep.) I informed him that if you eat right and hydrate properly your body will not shut down. When he asked further questions, I explained my training process and that, no, I had never had any stress fractures. 

The deeper I go into the wonderful sport of ultra trail running, the more I find myself and my sport good naturedly misunderstood. "You're crazy." "Have you ever run a marathon?" "How long does that take you?" "What do you eat?" "Do you sleep?" "A hundred miles straight through?" "Have you seen a psychologist?" "How do you go to the bathroom?" "That is really hard on your joints." "I would die." "Funny. You look sane." (All true questions and comments.) I have to face it. I am in an obscure sport that is just starting to really be noticed in the athletic world. It has been around for decades in Europe and the United States and even centuries in some indigenous cultures, but, for the most part, it is still very grassroots. That is what I love about it.

It is funny to talk about being misunderstood in your sport. I mean it is ultimately only a sport. What people think about the distances I run, my training methods, my times, and my fueling is not really a big deal. (Honestly, it is quite entertaining.) But lately, I have had to face being misunderstood in a far more personal way--mental health. Having a mental health diagnosis (in my case obsessive compulsive disorder) means that half the time you don't even understand your own brain. Why are we choosing this thought pattern to obsess over? So being asked to explain it to others, especially those unfamiliar with and uninformed about it, can cause a lot of self-doubt, anxiety, and fatigue. Trying to be honest while filling out overseas mission paperwork and being interviewed about said paperwork, I found myself being misunderstood again. You don't get it! No, I am not crazy. Um...that is not what that means. It has been so hard, and I have cried more than a little the past couple of months. 

Today brought another onslaught of doubts and worries as more questions were asked and another round of interviews for overseas missions were scheduled. Why can't people understand? I am not crazy. Can I never go on the mission field again? I didn't understand and wondered at why I couldn't just be understood by others, but then the Holy Spirit reminded me that Jesus, too, was misunderstood. He was regularly called a madman. People thought He was going to become king and conquer Rome. The Pharisees called Him a blasphemer. And His own disciples couldn't figure out what He was doing or teaching half the time. Jesus was misunderstood. So, the question needed to morph. Not "Why can't people understand me?" but "Am I willing to be misunderstood like my Savior?" (Again, showing that Jesus never asks us to do anything that He did not willingly do Himself.) 

Am I willing to be misunderstood because of my mental health because God has allowed it? Yikes. Can I skip this question? I am reminded again of John 9:1-7 when Jesus and His disciples encounter a man who had been blind since birth. In ignorance and misunderstanding, the disciples ask Jesus, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents..." Jesus graciously responds, "Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him." Jesus then lovingly heals the man. Here was a man who had not chosen his disability but was there for all people to judge and misunderstand, and, ultimately, for Jesus to see, understand, and heal. This passage has always been a comfort to me as I contend with a mental health diagnosis that I did not choose and ramifications in my past and present that I did not cause. "This happened so that the works of God might be displayed in [me]." 

So, am I willing to be misunderstood? It is easy to say yes when it is only the sport you love on the line which you will keep doing whether people understand it or not. But it is a far greater question when it is in regard to your mental health and your character. Am I willing to be misunderstood? Yes, because Jesus Himself was misunderstood and calls me to something greater than the assumptions and misunderstandings of others. He calls me to be a part of His work and allow Him to work through me.